Max01red
Well-Known Member
Number One Idiots of 2006:
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down
and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
room
right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006:
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting
it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call
the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells
Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to
the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank
of America deposit slip, and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006:
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his
wallet
and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006:
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006:
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that
He'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some
booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window.
The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, Here's your sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't
think
this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
>From Kingman, Kansas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked
the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was
sorry,
but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep, From Kansas City !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee
Asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge? To
which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Alabama
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the
street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, Kansas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving
the
company due to" downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this
more
often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights
stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself
and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car
we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
drivers
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried
the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
STAY ALERT! They walk among us . . . and they REPRODUCE!
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at
the poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down
and
at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency
room
right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2006:
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in
getting
it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a
Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency
locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Three Idiot of 2006:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
Branch and wrote this: "Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might
call
the police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells
Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note
to
the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that
she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank
of America deposit slip, and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back
at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it
anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Four Idiot of 2006:
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.
He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his
car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of
$40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that
contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy........ but you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Number Five Idiot of 2006:
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded
all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to
him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his
wallet
and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address
of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Idiot Number Six of 2006:
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2006:
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that
He'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some
booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the
window.
The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the
liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape. Yep, Here's your sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the
Deer
Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't
think
this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
>From Kingman, Kansas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked
the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was
sorry,
but they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep, From Kansas City !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport
employee
Asked "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your
knowledge? To
which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Alabama
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the
street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita, Kansas
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving
the
company due to" downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this
more
often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights
stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into
itself
and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up
our car
we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
drivers
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively
tried
the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton, Mississippi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
STAY ALERT! They walk among us . . . and they REPRODUCE!
