First I am really sorry about your divorce. I was divorced after 14 years and that was very hard to go through. The best thing for you to do is try to keep a civil relationship with her no matter how hard that can be. It will be easier for your son. Keep your friends close, it will help you to talk to them and other people that have been through it. Remember God is always there for you.
I'm getting divorced
- Thread starter COP RUNNER
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naughtyG
Well-Known Member
Hey Tim, sorry to hear this is happening to you. Having just got divorced in '09, I know the feeling. Also having got divorced the first time in '96 when my daughter wasn't even 5 years old, I know exactly where you're at. There's no despair like it, knowing you just can't be there every time they cry or feel hurt.
But there's only one way forward: do everything to see your son as often as you possibly can. Also, and just as important, do everything you can to keep things sweet with his mum. There is nothing worse for a kid than to see/hear their parents fighting, or have either talk shit about the other. Whatever happens, just don't do it.
I lost my lil' girl, and then spent 10 years going to see her every other weekend. It never felt like enough, but looking back it allowed us to keep a healthy relationship and a strong bond that lasts to this day. After almost 13 years apart, I'm going to take her traveling around the world from this summer onwards, so finally we'll get a little more time together.
But I digress, another really important thing is to make sure to keep telling your son again and again that you and his mum splitting up is NOT his fault - kids do always feel that way in these situations and it's really important to keep reinforcing the fact that they are not the reason for anything going sour. Another good thing I found when my daughter used to feel all sad because she didn't have her mum and dad together, especially when it came to xmas, easter, birthdays etc, is to point out that they now get TWO lots of everything, as they will invariably celebrate all these events twice with both mum and dad separately.
I know nothing really makes any difference when you get split from your lil' ones, it just hurts, but hopefully some of the above can help you along a little. If you ever feel like talking some more giz a buzz, I'll be checking here from time to time while on my travels and you can also always PM me.
Keep yer chin up my friend, that's the one thing you want your son to look up to - a happy dad!
But there's only one way forward: do everything to see your son as often as you possibly can. Also, and just as important, do everything you can to keep things sweet with his mum. There is nothing worse for a kid than to see/hear their parents fighting, or have either talk shit about the other. Whatever happens, just don't do it.
I lost my lil' girl, and then spent 10 years going to see her every other weekend. It never felt like enough, but looking back it allowed us to keep a healthy relationship and a strong bond that lasts to this day. After almost 13 years apart, I'm going to take her traveling around the world from this summer onwards, so finally we'll get a little more time together.
But I digress, another really important thing is to make sure to keep telling your son again and again that you and his mum splitting up is NOT his fault - kids do always feel that way in these situations and it's really important to keep reinforcing the fact that they are not the reason for anything going sour. Another good thing I found when my daughter used to feel all sad because she didn't have her mum and dad together, especially when it came to xmas, easter, birthdays etc, is to point out that they now get TWO lots of everything, as they will invariably celebrate all these events twice with both mum and dad separately.
I know nothing really makes any difference when you get split from your lil' ones, it just hurts, but hopefully some of the above can help you along a little. If you ever feel like talking some more giz a buzz, I'll be checking here from time to time while on my travels and you can also always PM me.
Keep yer chin up my friend, that's the one thing you want your son to look up to - a happy dad!
COP RUNNER
Well-Known Member
MAN , DO I HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD ! .I LOVE MY SON MORE THAN ANYTHING ON EARTH ! . HE'S GOING TO BE " CRUSHED " ! ...:sad2:
Jdk203
Well-Known Member
Hey man,
Ive been reading through this thread off and on for a while and decided I wanted to step in. I was about 11 when my parents split. I remember how hard and confusing a time in my life it was. But I can honestly say I think my parents did the right thing. I rarely saw them fighting or yelling at each other in front of me. After they split they would always put up with each other for my sake (ie birthdays, christmas, any other major life events) Maybe it wasn't easy for them but they were civil around each other for me. Thats the one piece of advice I've read many times and just wanted to reiterate. The only other thing I can add is don't feel awkward talking to someone if you need it. Don't let everything bottle up talk to a shrink if need be they can honestly help in these rough times. Keep your head up and you'll weather the storm.
Jason
Ive been reading through this thread off and on for a while and decided I wanted to step in. I was about 11 when my parents split. I remember how hard and confusing a time in my life it was. But I can honestly say I think my parents did the right thing. I rarely saw them fighting or yelling at each other in front of me. After they split they would always put up with each other for my sake (ie birthdays, christmas, any other major life events) Maybe it wasn't easy for them but they were civil around each other for me. Thats the one piece of advice I've read many times and just wanted to reiterate. The only other thing I can add is don't feel awkward talking to someone if you need it. Don't let everything bottle up talk to a shrink if need be they can honestly help in these rough times. Keep your head up and you'll weather the storm.
Jason
poppop
Well-Known Member
im so sorry,i wen,t through one 22 yrs ago don,t waste your life like i did ,i said just a couple more beers ,just a little more of this or that, all i was showing her was how fast i could go down,be sure its what you both wan,t, [my god does it hurt,]if youall fight it out in court over he said she said,the lawyers win ,you both will end up broke,and i thought to myself im ugly and too damn old ,how will i fit in the dating thing again?please don,t you fall apart ,like the old saying sais god don,t make junk.if it does happen be strong as you can be,13 yrs is a long time ,i hope for all of you as a family it don,t ,happen,bye the way i am ugly and i ended up remarried,your heart and you personallty tells me you are a good person,i just hope your wife sees it too ,i know your lil boy does,
daves86vmax
Well-Known Member
i know how you feel,i'm just finishing moving out of our house and into a house that i'll be renting since we are now final on our dissolution after 13 years of marriage which is less volatile than a divorce but it still sucks.My youngest daughter just had her 10th bday yesterday and my oldest daughter is almost 13 so it is a little easier for them to understand what is happening and they are doing really well with it . i promise you as tough as it might look right now it really will work out for you and your son and as long as the two of you at least act civil around your son he shouldn't be affected by this like you might think.He won't forget who his dad is trust me.hang in there and don't give up.unfortunately these situations are becoming more and more common for whatever reason.
COP RUNNER
Well-Known Member
i just want to thank everyone that has posted on this issue . It helps me see angles that i haven't seen before , and maybe its for the best , i know every situation is different , so only time will tell , its just so hard to know what the wright thing to do is ! .. She talked to a lawyer & so did i , hers said to write everything down & come up with the terms & conditions on our own so they ( the lawyers ) don't take all of our money . ... all mine said was do not leave the house ( meaning move out ) . .. i'm meeting with him on monday afternoon in person to discuss everything in detail & figure out what has to be done & the correct way to write it all up ! ... i still cannot believe that this is happing ! ... it sucks !
COP RUNNER
Well-Known Member
LAWYERS , LAWYERS , let the games begin !
COP RUNNER
Well-Known Member
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE TIMES THAT I WISH I WAS BORN RICH , INSTEAD OF GOOD LOOKING ! ...:rofl_200:
dannymax
Well-Known Member
Nah, stick with yer devilish good looks Timmy!! Remember, you can always go from poor to rich but you're shit out of luck if yer fugly!! :biglaugh:
twistedmax
Well-Known Member
Agreed , besides she cant take what you dont have,settle things up ,then go get rich!
gunrunner
Well-Known Member
Tim , Lawyers will cost YOU . Try and sort alot of shit out yourselves . You both might find some common ground on some issues which could be benefical to all concerned .... :ummm:
ghostntheshell
Well-Known Member
Be careful with Lawyers.
There is a reason they show up to your house in a BMW 7 series and you drive away and live in your VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!.
All Chris Farley jokes aside -
Work it out between you two. Be fair. I mean really sit down and be fair.
Come at her with the approach that you are interested in saving both of your accounts.
IF you don't - you will both end up simply paying your lawyers and selling what you end up with to PAY them.
Lawyers are the winners here. Always.
There is a reason they show up to your house in a BMW 7 series and you drive away and live in your VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!.
All Chris Farley jokes aside -
Work it out between you two. Be fair. I mean really sit down and be fair.
Come at her with the approach that you are interested in saving both of your accounts.
IF you don't - you will both end up simply paying your lawyers and selling what you end up with to PAY them.
Lawyers are the winners here. Always.
98Redlne
Well-Known Member
Agreed.
Just went through this myself. Sucks big time.
Initially my ex and I went at it with each other through our lawyers. Cost several thousand dollars (my fees alone were enough to by a new Gen 2) and we made no forward progress (zip, zero, nada). I might as well have burned the money.
After a couple of months of cooling off and licking our financial wounds we were able to sit down, talk about it like sensible adults and come up with our own agreement. We put it to the attorneys to write up but the intent was that they would just add the leagalese and not change the terms we had agreed to. That agreement is what we ended up both signing.
After that was taken care of the rest has moved along fairly quickly.
I highly encourage you to try and work out the terms (child support and property division) between yourselves. If you let the lawyers get involved too much things will slow down to a crawl (everything requires a letter to be sent....$100+ each) and cost a small fortune.
Best of luck with your situation. I know it sucks but I promise you, things will and do get better.
Just went through this myself. Sucks big time.
Initially my ex and I went at it with each other through our lawyers. Cost several thousand dollars (my fees alone were enough to by a new Gen 2) and we made no forward progress (zip, zero, nada). I might as well have burned the money.
After a couple of months of cooling off and licking our financial wounds we were able to sit down, talk about it like sensible adults and come up with our own agreement. We put it to the attorneys to write up but the intent was that they would just add the leagalese and not change the terms we had agreed to. That agreement is what we ended up both signing.
After that was taken care of the rest has moved along fairly quickly.
I highly encourage you to try and work out the terms (child support and property division) between yourselves. If you let the lawyers get involved too much things will slow down to a crawl (everything requires a letter to be sent....$100+ each) and cost a small fortune.
Best of luck with your situation. I know it sucks but I promise you, things will and do get better.
COP RUNNER
Well-Known Member
"LOL" :rofl_200::biglaugh::rofl_200::biglaugh::rofl_200:
