Auggie_1970
Well-Known Member
Ok guys time is of the essence here. Timmy, AKA Cop Runner, is attempting to escape from NJ. To avoid the Garden State's demise and to prevent the lack of work for the NJ State police should Timmy decide to leave, I am pulling together a group “KCRINJ” (Keep Cop Runner in NJ) in which we will gather for each instance in which a perspective buyer comes to look at his house.
Our first gathering will be held this Sunday and in an effort to deter all perspective buyers we will have the following events.
1) Sideways rolling burnout competition (Brownie Run Style): Judges will be looking for both angle and length of burnout. Clothing is optional. In the event of a tie, a joust style burnout will be held in which both competitors will start from opposite sides of the street. The winner will be award to the one that hasn’t shit themselves...
2) Standing burnout: Ok guys here’s where we think outside of the box. Standing burnouts are a dime a dozen. We do it naked. Technical points will be awarded for amount of smoke, time of burnout, and amount of rubber left on the street. Bonus style points will be awarded for the fattest or hairiest participant. Creativity pointes will also be awarded to those able to perform miscellaneous acts while smoking the rear, such as the one had wank, etc...Overall scoring will be 70% technical, 20 % style, and 10% creativity.
3) How to build a spiked crack pipe: There will be a 30 minute presentation by Smitty from 3rd Street Trenton (please ensure all cell phones are turned off, we don’t want Smitty having an episode), followed by a hands on event in which each participant will be supplied 1 crack pipe and an array of miniature spikes, and one tube of crazy glue. Please note, please avoid crazy gluing the crack pipe to your lips by accident, we don’t want to have a reoccurrence similar to what happened years ago.
4) Bike/Car Wash: What event would be complete without a bike/car wash. But come on, realistically how many of you have been gone to such bike/car wash event and have left disappointed, only to find your vehicle was still dirty or acquired a new scratch. Here's were we change the outlook on these events. Our secret ingredient, Sea Foam and the Captain Morgan girls. Shit, I cant believe this hasn’t been thought of before but dam, if this shit can clean our carbs think of how clean it will get anyone's bike/car. We could be making history here folks. Timmy has gallons of this stuff, we'll just break into his trailer and we'll be set. In an effort to be environmentally friendly we will be pumping any excessive fluid to the back yard to facilitate the Weiner and Marshmallow Roast scheduled for 6:00 pm sharp.
5) Stripper Tree: Why limit yourself to one girl on one pole when you can have multiple girls hanging from numerous branches of the same tree at the same time. I’m exciting just thinking of it. I’ve managed to work with the professional staff from Franks Chicken House who have willingly agreed to provide their services free of change for the event. Tim will be the envy of all the neighbors
In addition to this, I need a few volunteers dressed is Hazmat suits(outfits and trowels to be provided) to scour his entire property taking hundreds of soil and rock(backyard) samples. Don’t worry about filling the holes back up we'll have another crew come in after to take care of that If questioned by anyone other than Timmy you are to reply that you are conducting research to determine whether the property is to be classified as a NJ superfund site.
Also , looking for one crack head look alike. Must be less than 120 lbs. All fat bastards will be turned away. 5 minutes after the perspective buyers enter the premises, you will then sneak into the house and make your way into one of the bedrooms and hide in the closet. Dog the Bounty hunter and his crew have agreed to help us with this event and are using this as additional training for their team of bounty hunters. After you have made your way to your position, you will then give the signal (TBD). At that movement Dog the bounty hunter and his team will then storm the front door and proceed to search for Rodney the Ice Head that Cop Runner has been harboring for the past 6 months...Dog has asked whether you could, for the benefit of this exercise, resist a bit. Please note, Dog is requiring that a waiver prior to the training exercise be signed and has indicated you will feel a bit of discomfort, but really didn’t elaborate much on that. In addition, Dog the Bounty Hunter is donating a sum of $5,000 towards the even to cover any miscellaneous expenses incurred.
Also I’m happy to announce that the NJ State police has agreed to provide a reverse style escort to the event. For those of you not failure with a reverse style escort they are as follows:
*Police will follow behind the group with lights and sirens flashing.
*Speeds are to be kpet at a minimum of 70mph regardless of any
residential ares we travel through.
*There are to be no stopping at any traffic lights or stop signs. The
use of turn signals is also optional.
The escort will conclude in front of Timmy's house in which there will be a friendly game of wrestling provided by the police.
Please note we will leave from the meeting point (TBD) at precisely 10:00am. Please arrive on time.
Please feel free to provide any addition activities to this list that I may have overlooked. Tim were doing this for your own good. Think of it as an intervention of some sort :rofl_200::rofl_200::rofl_200:
Our first gathering will be held this Sunday and in an effort to deter all perspective buyers we will have the following events.
1) Sideways rolling burnout competition (Brownie Run Style): Judges will be looking for both angle and length of burnout. Clothing is optional. In the event of a tie, a joust style burnout will be held in which both competitors will start from opposite sides of the street. The winner will be award to the one that hasn’t shit themselves...
2) Standing burnout: Ok guys here’s where we think outside of the box. Standing burnouts are a dime a dozen. We do it naked. Technical points will be awarded for amount of smoke, time of burnout, and amount of rubber left on the street. Bonus style points will be awarded for the fattest or hairiest participant. Creativity pointes will also be awarded to those able to perform miscellaneous acts while smoking the rear, such as the one had wank, etc...Overall scoring will be 70% technical, 20 % style, and 10% creativity.
3) How to build a spiked crack pipe: There will be a 30 minute presentation by Smitty from 3rd Street Trenton (please ensure all cell phones are turned off, we don’t want Smitty having an episode), followed by a hands on event in which each participant will be supplied 1 crack pipe and an array of miniature spikes, and one tube of crazy glue. Please note, please avoid crazy gluing the crack pipe to your lips by accident, we don’t want to have a reoccurrence similar to what happened years ago.
4) Bike/Car Wash: What event would be complete without a bike/car wash. But come on, realistically how many of you have been gone to such bike/car wash event and have left disappointed, only to find your vehicle was still dirty or acquired a new scratch. Here's were we change the outlook on these events. Our secret ingredient, Sea Foam and the Captain Morgan girls. Shit, I cant believe this hasn’t been thought of before but dam, if this shit can clean our carbs think of how clean it will get anyone's bike/car. We could be making history here folks. Timmy has gallons of this stuff, we'll just break into his trailer and we'll be set. In an effort to be environmentally friendly we will be pumping any excessive fluid to the back yard to facilitate the Weiner and Marshmallow Roast scheduled for 6:00 pm sharp.
5) Stripper Tree: Why limit yourself to one girl on one pole when you can have multiple girls hanging from numerous branches of the same tree at the same time. I’m exciting just thinking of it. I’ve managed to work with the professional staff from Franks Chicken House who have willingly agreed to provide their services free of change for the event. Tim will be the envy of all the neighbors
In addition to this, I need a few volunteers dressed is Hazmat suits(outfits and trowels to be provided) to scour his entire property taking hundreds of soil and rock(backyard) samples. Don’t worry about filling the holes back up we'll have another crew come in after to take care of that
If questioned by anyone other than Timmy you are to reply that you are conducting research to determine whether the property is to be classified as a NJ superfund site.Also , looking for one crack head look alike. Must be less than 120 lbs. All fat bastards will be turned away. 5 minutes after the perspective buyers enter the premises, you will then sneak into the house and make your way into one of the bedrooms and hide in the closet. Dog the Bounty hunter and his crew have agreed to help us with this event and are using this as additional training for their team of bounty hunters. After you have made your way to your position, you will then give the signal (TBD). At that movement Dog the bounty hunter and his team will then storm the front door and proceed to search for Rodney the Ice Head that Cop Runner has been harboring for the past 6 months...Dog has asked whether you could, for the benefit of this exercise, resist a bit. Please note, Dog is requiring that a waiver prior to the training exercise be signed and has indicated you will feel a bit of discomfort, but really didn’t elaborate much on that. In addition, Dog the Bounty Hunter is donating a sum of $5,000 towards the even to cover any miscellaneous expenses incurred.
Also I’m happy to announce that the NJ State police has agreed to provide a reverse style escort to the event. For those of you not failure with a reverse style escort they are as follows:
*Police will follow behind the group with lights and sirens flashing.
*Speeds are to be kpet at a minimum of 70mph regardless of any
residential ares we travel through.
*There are to be no stopping at any traffic lights or stop signs. The
use of turn signals is also optional.
The escort will conclude in front of Timmy's house in which there will be a friendly game of wrestling provided by the police.
Please note we will leave from the meeting point (TBD) at precisely 10:00am. Please arrive on time.
Please feel free to provide any addition activities to this list that I may have overlooked. Tim were doing this for your own good. Think of it as an intervention of some sort :rofl_200::rofl_200::rofl_200:
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