Management
*_Lesson 1: _**
*A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. *
*The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. *
*When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. *
*Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' *
*After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. *
*The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. *
*When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' *
*'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies. *
*'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' ***_
*Moral of the story: *_**/
/If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. //*
*_
*Lesson 2: *_**
*A priest offered a Nun a lift. *
*She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. *
*The priest nearly had an accident. *
*After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. *
*The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' *
*The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. *
*The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' *
*The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' *
*Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. *
*On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' ***_
*Moral of the story: *_**/
/If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. //*
*_
*Lesson 3: *_**
*A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. *
*They rub it and a Genie comes out. *
*The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' *
*'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' *
*Puff! She's gone. *
*'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in *Hawaii* , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' *
*Puff! He's gone. *
*'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. *
*The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' ***_
*Moral of the story: *_**/
/Always let your boss have the first say. //**_
*Lesson 4 *_**
*An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. *
*A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' *
*The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' *
*So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. ***_
*Moral of the story: *_**/
/To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. //*
*_Lesson 5 _**
*A turkey was chatting with a bull. *
*'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' *
*'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' *
*The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. *
*The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. *
*Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. *
*He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. ***_
*Moral of the story: *_**/
/Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.. //**_
*Lesson 6 *_**
*A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. *
*While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. *
*As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of *cow dung*, he began to realize how warm he was. ***
*The dung was actually thawing him out! ***
*He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. *
*A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. *
*Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of *cow dung*, and promptly dug him out and ate him. ***_
*Morals of the story: *_**/
/(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. /
/(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your /
/friend. /
/(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep /
/your mouth shut! //**/
/THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE//*
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